Every Sunday, the Boston Globe publishes “Sunday’s Child,” a column featuring a child or siblings who need an adoptive family. This week, the column (not yet online) notes that the child, “would do well with a single mother or a two-parent family (mom and dad or two moms) in which she is the only or youngest child.”
I had two thoughts, in close succession: First, how cool is it that they are actively seeking two-mom families? Second, why not also seek two-dad families, or single dads, for that matter?
Good question. Here are some of the answers I found.
The column is a collaboration between the Globe and the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE), the Commonwealth’s central clearinghouse for adoption information and referral. It is not an adoption agency itself, but works to connect the state’s Department of Children & Families (DCF), private adoption agencies, and adults interested in adoption. MARE is an LGBT-friendly organization, holding informational forums for LGBT prospective parents (e.g., these sessions in 2008 and 2009), and listing a number of LGBT family support programs.
Many more profiles of children are listed on the MARE Web site, and are based on information from the children’s social workers. Several other profiles, beyond the one in today’s Globe, specify that they are open to either opposite-sex parents or two moms. A few say they are seeking two-parent families or a single dad.
One, however, recommends against placing the child, a girl, with a single dad or two-dad family because of a past trauma (unspecified). That seems only right.
In another profile, the child “responds better to women than to men, and would prefer to be placed in an all female household… . His social worker recommends a small family setting with either a single mom or a two-parent same sex female couple.” In one other case, the profile simply says that “an ideal family … would be a single mom or possibly two moms,” with no reason given.
Conversely, another profile says, “It has been recommended by his adoption worker that Jorge be placed in an all male family as Jorge struggles with female authority.” Another says “Nathaniel does best with males and would benefit from having a male parent, sibling, or both.”
Several profiles say they are seeking a traditional family. Sometimes no reason is given; in others, the child has requested a mom and a dad. In some cases, the child’s request may allow for several possibilities, e.g., “Legally free for adoption, a two-parent or single female household would be ideal for Diante, since he has expressed a strong desire for a mommy.” (By “two parent,” then, read, “mom and dad or two moms,” not “two dads”—that seems an unfortunate slip in terminology for an organization that is otherwise inclusive.)
The picture that emerges in all of these profiles is that the best interests of the child must prevail. Sometimes, this means acceding to the child’s request for a mom and a dad or for parents of a particular gender. Sometimes it means placing the child with at least one, if not two parents of the gender to which they will better respond or which will not trigger memories of past trauma. Other times, it means being open to any loving family, no matter what its composition.
It strikes me, however, that same-sex families widen the possibilities for many children—and not just in the general sense of ”more prospective parents mean more homes.” If there is a legitimate reason for a child not to be placed with a parent of a certain gender, then same-sex parents offer children the option of two-parent as well as single-parent families. It may also be that as same-sex parents become even more visible in our society, the number of children who are open to any type of family may increase.
Kudos to MARE, the agencies they work with, and the Boston Globe for their inclusion of same-sex parents—but even more, for keeping the preferences and best interests of the children firmly in mind.
Adoption Agency Seeks Lesbian Moms–But What About Gay Dads?
(bolded emphasis is mine. i love progressive Massachusetts)
Source: networkedblogs.com
